Are you expressing your gifts?!?

For a large portion of my life, I was in a position that required me to speak whether I had anything important to say or not … However, for the last few years, that has not been the case. As a result, I have attempted to remain relatively quiet; though I am not sure why! It is not as though I haven’t had things that I have wanted to say, and it is not as though I believe that my voice is less relevant because I chose to relinquish my title. I was aware, that for a while, I needed to rest! I had been running at a pace that literally kills people; and, I was well on my way (You can see my previous post)! The problem for me came in the transition …

Due to the nature of my position, I spent a lot of time reading, a great deal of time studying the word in order to have something that would be relevant and a lot of time writing, though not in the traditional sense. There is not an enormous difference between preparing for a sermon and a blog, story or book; the main difference is, of course, the delivery. Now, for quite a while, I have felt like I had some things that I needed to say. I did not have the feeling that there were people that needed to hear them, so I was a little confused … What was the point, who was I to talk to?

Fast forward to today … As a part of my recent educational endeavors, I am enrolled in a geology class. In examining some rock samples, it is quite easy to see that some samples have a large amount of fossilized organic material; at times, these samples are made up entirely of this fossilized material. Simply stated, these rocks are made up of material that was, at one point, alive. Living material falls to the ground and then becomes buried or covered with liquid. Over time, this material begins to decompose and take on a new form. Typically, rocks …

We all know that the Word of God is alive … So, by implication, the word that God puts in you is alive as well! I am a firm believer that God gives expressions of gifts to every believer! Whether you write, draw, paint, sing, tattoo, read poetry, or whatever, there is no doubt that the gifting that is inside of you is from God! It is an extension of the word of God for you … Now, if that gift – whether word or some other expression of entrusted gifting – goes without being used, that living material falls to the ground and becomes buried. Words and ideas that die and settle to the bottom … They become rocks that take up space!

If you feel as though you are at a point where God is not speaking, or at least not as much as He once was, look around … What do you do with what you last heard? Are you expressing your gifts?!?

We all fall down!

When I first realized that I had a problem, I weighed almost 400lbs, I was not sleeping well and I could make every issue that I faced someone else’s fault … I was mad all of the time! There was not a day when I didn’t lose my temper and blow up like some lunatic. I did a self-evaluation and quickly determined that the only thing that I was truly happy with was my family life; I have great kids and an AMAZING wife (she truly is better than I deserve!), but everything else sucked!!! So, as any sane person would do, I started making changes … Went back to school, got in the gym and started pursuing things that I thought would make me happy. For a while, it worked … But only for a while!

I lost about 120lbs, did great in school and found some level of happiness that I had been missing; or so I thought. In retrospect, I believe that what I actually had done was distract myself from the bigger issue! So, as the newness of the accomplishments of the gym and school began to wane, the issues began to resurface! So, I quit my job! In the midst of a recession, with only moderate savings and no plan, I left my position that not only provided me with great benefits (paid all of my housing, vehicle and communication expenses), but also gave me a pretty good living. On top of that, I was pretty good at it (at least that is what I am told) and I enjoyed parts of it immensely!

I have spent a lot of the time since then floundering. I gained back 90 of the 120lbs that I had lost, failed 2 semesters of school and have become increasingly bitter and angry! The worst part is … I couldn’t tell you why!!!

Just over a year ago, I lost my mom … That was more devastating and left me with more regret than I had ever imagined it could! If your mother is still on this earth stop right now and call, text or email her for no other reason than to tell her you love her! Trust me, one day you will wish that you had done that more no matter how often you do it now! I was willing to admit that the loss of my mother may have caused me some trouble; no matter how tough you are, you still want your mommy sometimes …

Several months ago, I started listening to a Pastor via podcast. This man has become one of the primary voices in my life! He publically discusses a very personal battle. Many would view this as a sign of weakness; however, I view it as a great sign of strength. As I heard him speak about his issue, I realized that several of the things that he identified as signals, were things that I was dealing with. I attributed these issues to the loss of my mom. However, it didn’t take me long to realize that I had been dealing with these issues for years …

This Pastor identified his (and due to the similarities my) issue as depression. What the heck?!? I am a strong, faith-filled believer … I am not depressed! Not depressed in the typical sense, true … but I was angry!

However, the more that I examined my life and the more honest I became, the more I was able to admit that I have been battling a form of depression for years. I thought that depressed people hid in their bedrooms under the covers and contemplated suicide and took drugs to ease the pain; I didn’t do any of those things! What I did was medicate myself to the point of numbness with food … I was killing myself slowly! I hid myself under the covers of arrogance hoping that no one would ever notice the little boy behind the walls of insecurity. Back in September, I got my nutrition and exercise regimen back on track; and last semester, I carried 15 units with a 4.0 GPA. I am by no means implying that I have it all figured out, but what I am saying is this …  

We all have issues, and I believe that few of us have a good understanding of what those issues are at first glance. Some days I stumble – I just ate a sinfully large lunch – but when I do, I typically recognize it for what it is, and can point to a root cause! As of yet, this ability has not kept me from stumbling, but it has helped me get up faster!

After all, it is not your ability to stand that makes you good … It is your ability to rise!

“Even if good people fall seven times, they will get back up. But when trouble strikes the wicked, that's the end of them.” - Proverbs 24:16